whycelomaniac

You know how to see inside?? you wouldn't think about what other people actually feel, except you can read a mind.

One day she saw the happines in other people, Felt so envy and wonder why she didn't get it??

something like stupid poem is something how to she expresses, she wrote inside the wall cave and hope her dad read it. But it was just a wishful inside of her. And she was just an ordinairy girl not angel instead. And sometimes life is about imagination, live in the fairy tale, a place that isn't affordable.

something inside her head is a day with a smile, support or stupid words from him, something that she never imagine how the day will happen. Never mind she was used without his figure.

A tragedy is a comedy show sometimes, where every player could only cry inside. Life must go on and she lived with another scene. another drama with new player in her life. The good news is she got replacement actor as her dad and the bad news is nightmare has just begun.

No one could see that so much pain inside of her. Everybody just saw their own pain.

When the curse say hello and made her dying, she saw her dad broke his own heart, she heard her mom cry everynight in her sleep. and she just stared the sky and wonder why, holding onto silly things that she never learned. she was younger to see and record every second of a painful scene. Pathetic bitch!!

The next scene is she run away and tried to find his own life. and kind of sadden thing is when she moved so long she just realized that she has lost. something always inside her head that it's hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut, her house is haunted, its so pathetic, it makes no sense at all. their anger hurts her ears. been running strong for more seventeen years, she is ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away. What stupid poem couldn't fix her home as long she read that everyday. during the time she saw them asked stupid questions, If this what she want?? it's what he want?? and why there's so much pain?? (adapted from stay together for the kid lyric)

21 years passed, day after day she just have a mom and she love her so much more then everything. A dad just an imagination, he came and made something to be useless to remember. he forgotten is there is someone still living with his blood. so does she. She just wanna see her mother smile, see the stars and tells kind of fairy tale, and whole lot more things (hope so)



















Dear father

there are many things i wouldn't say, like a story about you, me and other.

i don't know why but i don't know why maybe i don't know why or just i don't know why.

this is so painfull and i can't tell you how to fix it.

we shouldn't have same blood but i tried to not disputed and still trying.

i wonder how you live with all of this??

is that too much that i'm asking for??

i still don't know.

sometimes i hope that you will look at me and see how much days you made it dies

but finally i just staring at the void.

something about you is like imagination man that nice and grim at the same time.

i'm not good daughter so do you.

like you never interest to spend your time on me and i don't want to waste my time for you.

you taught me how to hate, how to cry without the tears, how to kill intuition. you're the best in you way dad. Such as the holly day i forgot to call you to apologize like everyone else. seems we do have bad relation, yeaah we rarely see each other. Right?? but never mind that was never be a big problem for me. you and i just tied one thing but separated by many things. we can't denied.

Dad sometimes i'm so sick with all of this, so bad to feel it alone. like where the fuck are you when i need you?? where the fuck are you when i want to see you?? where the fuck are you when i want to talk to you??

never!! you never there!

you just saw your pain, you just care with your self, you never thought of anyone else.

this became acute viral which infection me, every part of me.

and when...

i stopped to hear your voice

i stopped to call you

i stopped to see the pain

i stopped to call you dad

i love you but you never need it

i wish you will realize something about me but if it does not exist forget it.

well i always wish we have more things to talk about, but we haven't